I know that this reality show situation has become a thing, especially for large families who frequent the DIY scene, and I adore these people as if I know them personally. I also have every confidence that the Hubbs and our littles could entertain even the pickiest of viewers, because they are that awesome. And insane.
I do feel that there is a small cult following of people who would enjoy watching me dig in the neighbors trash (in my jammies) for my next segment of Junky Monday Roundup or an upcoming Transformation Tuesday project, because I am as loony as the days are long. When I think about it, we are sitting on reality TV gold, but here are 10 reasons our family will never star in a reality show.
1. Our tiny house is booby trapped with Legos, half painted furniture projects and tiny people. Where would we fit the cameras and the people who run them?
2. I swear. Like a sailor. It’s something I have never been able to break. I quit cigarettes like the bad habit they are years ago, but the F word is my favorite and I just can’t part with it. It sends electric impulses of happiness tingling through my veins with every utterance. I try my very best to refrain this horrible habit in front of the kids, but Hubbs and friends know that I’m a salty girl and love me anyway. I hope.
3. Our people are always in the bathroom. There are 6 of us and 2 toilets. You’d think it was the last time we are ever going to go, because someone is always in there. Not to mention, Cupcake can’t use a potty yet, but she may as well. She unravels all the toilet paper and uses her soiled diaper as a pocket to shove her hands in. This is not good TV.
4. I am camera shy. Like horrified, dear-in-headlights, Ricky Bobby “I don’t know what to do with my hands” uncomfortable. Charisma passed me over when God handed out traits. He made me creative, but stopped there.
5. My boobs are always out. Always. As much as I say I want to wean Cupcake, she refutes my efforts. She’s my last kid, so I probably give in to her more than the others. I don’t know. I can’t remember it being this hard. God does that to you, so you will keep having babies.
6. The boys thrive on being one with their nakedness. It’s cute and all, but there’s something about strangers watching my naked children that sounds the alarm of wrong. They’d just be a blurred streak flashing by like a comet.
7. I have at least one mental breakdown a day and would certainly embarrass myself into becoming a hermit. Just put me in a grocery store with the kids and a tired Cupcake and watch me squirm, sweat, cry and melt under the scrutiny of judging old people who forgot what it’s like to stand in these uncomfortable shoes carrying a screaming baby under my arm like a wiggly, bulky FedEx parcel.
8. Hubbs and I are gross. I don’t think we are gross. I think we are cute, but viewers would surely protest the network for our high school make-out sessions and plentiful ass-slaps. Ten years of marriage, four kids and more pets than a family should have and we are still hot for each other. White hot.
9. It’s so LOUD here, like volume overload in a very small space. You’d never hear a spoken word, just constant LOUD noise. They’d pass out earplugs at our first airing like you were attending the Grand Prix races.
10. It would embarrass our kids. Mostly Princess, because she’s the oldest and a girl. She’d be mortified and probably scarred for life, looking back and scolding us for making a mockery of our happy home and displaying it for all to see.
No, it isn’t in the cards for us and I am just fine with that. I’m much happier hiding behind my keyboard, sharing only when I want and leaving out all the nudity.
Tommie lives with her handsome husband in Spring, Texas. They have four gorgeous children, a ton of pets and finally share the same décor style (sort of) and passion for DIY.